Spring Break "Simple" Is Not So Simple - It Is Powerful!

Scott Murray, Stacie Martin, and Rhiannon Graham discuss the financial challenges of spring break for single-parent families and advocate for staycations as a cost-effective alternative. 

Rhiannon shares her experiences of creating memorable spring breaks with inexpensive activities like sleepovers and local outings. Stacie emphasizes the importance of quality time over expensive gifts. 

Scott shares his personal journey and the value of presence in raising children. 

They all agree that presence and intentional time together are more valuable than material gifts.

Transcript

Scott Murray: 0:00

Welcome to another edition of because they matter, forever on a mission, committing to encouraging, educating and empowering parents, raising their children in an impactful and loving way, because they matter. Now, let's welcome our co host, former single parent mom and founder of single parent advocate in Dallas, Texas, Stacie Martin also along, founder of single but not alone, and the reigning Miss Capital City, Illinois, Brianna and Graham and I'm Scott Murray, speaker, author, journalist and CEO of the Scott Murray Scholarship Foundation and lifting spirits, building dreams. We welcome you all to because they matter. Hello again, everybody. Welcome to yet another edition of because they matter, making a difference in the lives of those that need that helping hand. And we're talking about children from single parent families, and we're delighted to welcome you as we talk to moms and dads. You might be from a single parent, we're not sure, but we're delighted to welcome you. My name is Scott Murray, along with Stacie. Stacie, hello, my friend. How are you good and Rhiannon right there. And Rhiannon is the reigning Miss Chicago, so we've talked about that in in shows past, but she's getting ready for a big show coming up in June where she'll be vying for Miss Illinois as well, but she, too, comes from a single parent, as does this young lady to my left. So that's the name of the game, and that's what we're talking about. And specifically today, what are we talking about? Rhiannon, spring break. Spring break here, remember it will

Rhiannon Graham: 1:35

Yes. And a little bit that I wanted to talk about, and Stacie, we kind of actually talked about this on the phone a little Yes, we did morning, is that it can be a huge financial burden for single families. The idea of spring break, I think when you think spring break, a lot of families think going out of the country, resorts, Florida, skiing,

Stacie Martin: 1:56

going to the beach.

Scott Murray: 1:57

She's been there and done that, apparently, yeah.

Rhiannon Graham: 2:00

But today I wanted to put emphasis on not having to spend 1000s of dollars on lavish spring break and instead opening up the discussion for staycations. So I don't know if you guys know what a staycation is, but it's a vacation that's spent within your own city or region and exploring local attractions, instead of traveling far away. And

Scott Murray: 2:23

I've heard about that quite often. To respond to your question, yes, indeed. Rhiannon, I've heard a lot of people, probably more than 50% that they don't, because I've, you know, I used to we'd go to Florida spring break. We were down to Miami or to Fort Lauderdale. That's where we hung out, just as kids. And, you know, got the sunburn in my life one time. But my point is this. My point is this is that you talk about staycations when I ask people today, where are you going? What are you going to be doing on spring break? Oh, we're going to hang right here. We're going to stay right here, get some stuff done, and just have, you know? And I said, Really, and I've heard more than 50% of the people that I asked that question up. So your your points? Well, taken. Do you know what I used to do? You want to hear my secret now, this is a family show. This is not, this is, you know, not an R rate, okay, so

Stacie Martin: 3:10

I raised my son as a single mom. His father was not involved. So I really was, you know, just me and my son and, of course, my family, when, whenever we could be together, I would make a list of everything I had to say no to all year long. But

Scott Murray: 3:30

you mean what you told him no to, yeah, like

Stacie Martin: 3:34

sleepovers, or can't do

Scott Murray: 3:36

this, can't do that, yeah, or, I don't

Stacie Martin: 3:39

know, pizza parties and you name it. And I would try, try, try my heart out to even if I still had to go to work, you know, because sometimes, just because the kids have a spring break, the parents don't, you know, especially if you're on hourly wages and stuff. So I would try, try, try to make sure I at least had seven to 10 things from the no list, right? That I could create

Rhiannon Graham: 4:05

or plan for a yes list,

Scott Murray: 4:07

presents for spring break. Or,

Stacie Martin: 4:09

you know, I want to go eat at the magic time machine. That was a big thing, you know. So I would see if we could all get a group of people together to go eat at the magic time machine, or go to Six Flags. Or, you know, I had a really great job, you know, and still really do now that I work for single parent advocate, it's, it's a blessing. But, you know, just the build up of nose always bothered me. I always like, Oh, I gotta get unburied from the nose. And so we would have all kinds of fun times, just, and it was fun for me, because all of that build up of having to say no all of a sudden, you know, was, was Bucha yeses? So that was,

Rhiannon Graham: 4:48

Well, I kind of have a similar experience from a child's point of view. I honestly, even though we weren't traveling anywhere crazy like Florida or going. On an airplane somewhere, my mom would always take initiative, similar to the list, to say, like, what are a couple things you want to do and plan out different things. I remember we went to in the Midwest. Here Wisconsin Dells is huge. So I remember one year we did Wisconsin Dells, and that was a big deal. And she made sure that I was never missing out on that spring break initiative. And I'm really thankful that even though money was tight and she was working multiple jobs that like you Stacie, there was a list or said so of things that we were going to do to make a spring break fun activity. Absolutely,

Scott Murray: 5:37

is there one that you remember, that maybe you recall as a favorite. I'm just I see the smiling smile on your face as you tell us about

Rhiannon Graham: 5:44

different things. We not only did like the list like that in spring break, but summer we would literally have I remember, like, as a young girl, I had lists like, literally, as long as you can imagine, of things I wanted to do, and those lists, thank you to my mom, were always completed because she was a super mom. So I think it'd be really hard to choose just the thing. But the point of it is I never as a young girl and as a child, I never felt like I was missing out on anything because she took that initiative to even though most of it was staycation, things to make doing fun, things like Six Flags too. We have around here and different initiatives like that.

Scott Murray: 6:23

I don't want to make this show. This is your life. Rhiannon Graham, but I'm kind of curious. You've shared all that information. And if I was just watching or listening to this for the first time, didn't know you, or didn't know you, that you were the reigning Miss Chicago and that type of thing, I'd say, Where did this girl come from? What did she do? How old was she when her parents got divorced, and what? What was it? What was it that, you know, she just enjoyed most about being a child. I'm just kind of curious some of the things that that might you know, and also what, what's your mother does? You've talked about your mother in shows past and again today. I just wondered what, what was her vocation? What did she do? You know how much time did you get a chance to be with her? Because, you know, you came home from school, did she obviously have a job that she was still there. Who watched over you? I don't want to say baby sat, but who Rhiannon SAT? That type of thing. Rhiannon

Rhiannon Graham: 7:15

SAT. I love that. Well, I'll start with that. So my mom worked jobs around my schedule, which I'm very fortunate that she had the opportunity to do, because a lot of single parents don't have that opportunity. So my mom would work a day job while I was at school, or do some kind of nature there were even points where she worked for the school that I attended, and then at night, while I was sleeping. I had a wonderful family friend who was my babysitter that a couple nights a week that I was left with her while my mom bartended. So this allowed her having this schedule, although this wasn't her ideal jobs, but it allowed her to schedule to be the active parent she wanted. And looking back as an adult now, I am so grateful for those sacrifices that she made, to be at school events, to be at my soccer games, to be there for my baton performances, different things of that nature. Even though she was sacrificing her sleep, she told me there was a lot of days where she if she wasn't working during the day, she would literally drop me off at school and come home and nap because she was up late working that night. And that's the sacrifices that millions of single parents make to be an active parent in their child's life when there's only one of them, but I had a very fond childhood. My house was the house that all the friends came over, where all the sleepovers were hosted. We had trampoline in the backyard in the summer. I even remember we had a water slide for some point that we found on sale at Kmart, or something that my mom scrounged all her money together to get me so I had a very fond childhood of having the house where everyone was welcome and it was just all fun and games. Very thankful that she

Scott Murray: 8:50

I tell you what for me, Well, I tell you what. Before we get to Stacie, I have one more question, and that is, how about it? If you think back to all the things that you got a chance to be and all the things you got a chance to do. I'm just curious what it was like when they said, Rhiannon Graham, Miss Chicago, and mom is sitting there. You just said a moments ago you were getting a little teary eyed, or potentially could get a little teary eyed by a couple of things I asked you, I can only just imagine what it was like for your mother, having gone through what she did as a single mom working with you day in and day out, and now suddenly her daughter is Miss Chicago. What was that like for mom? What tell us that whole scenario?

Rhiannon Graham: 9:32

So you're making me cry first of all, but so when you're standing up there and you've competed, there truly is a sisterhood that's been created. And I was stood, I was standing with 13 other wonderful girls. There was 14, including me, competing for the title of Miss Chicago. And I remember looking around and thinking, I would be so lucky to be chosen out of all these wonderful ladies that are so educated, that are so passionate of serving their community. Of these, and when they announced my name, there's a picture that I'll have to show you guys of me pointing to my mom in the audience. I remember that picture jumped out of her seat. I can't even post the video of me being crowned because I'm not allowed to, because she said she was screaming so crazy it sounded like she was insane, so I'm not even allowed to post the video with the sound, but pointing to her in that moment was signifying that this is for you. I did this for you. This is to honor you and all the sacrifices you made for me to be standing here today. Incredible

Scott Murray: 10:34

relationship. Yes, very grateful. So you saw that picture.

Stacie Martin: 10:39

Oh, yeah. No, we I posted it. In fact, I hope the single parent advocate community has all seen it too. Rihanna is active on the single parent advocate Facebook page, and so you guys can always reach out

Rhiannon Graham: 10:53

to her. Yep.

Stacie Martin: 10:55

So I want to, I wanted you to know what I noticed about your happy memories. And I'm saying this for the sake of the single parents, single grandparents, raising kids alone out there, not one thing that Marie Annan mentioned about her happy memories about spring break or her childhood necessarily involved highly expensive things. She mentioned a slide that was purchased from Kmart, on sale, on sale. She mentioned sleepovers

Rhiannon Graham: 11:29

for the next summer. She mentioned sleepovers.

Stacie Martin: 11:32

She mentioned a trampoline in in the backyard, which can be purchased on Facebook marketplace these days, you know, she mentioned quality time, you know, attendance and presence of her her parent, whether you're a single mom or a single dad, that's huge. And I wanted to also give a shout out to the working single parents out there that are out there in corporate America, you know, you know quality time versus quantity time is a thing, and just making it intentional, you know you're providing the best you can for your children, because you're out there earning money to pay for their needs, but being intentional, intentional. Excuse me, guys, about that quality time is what I hear from Rhiannon. So if she speaks and it echoes anything from your own kids, you know it's it's true. And I see this guy over here, this new granddad, Mr. Scott Murray, honestly, I'll be like, are you ready to do the podcast? We need to go over our topics. Can we talk about this? And he'll be tickling his grandson over and over and over again. He goes, Wait, did you see this picture of me tickling my grandson? And those are the moments, and that's why I wanted to talk about spring break. I know it's happening right now, and there's millions of single parents and single parent kids out there. And I just want you to know what matters is you, yes.

Rhiannon Graham: 13:13

And I think a great saying is presence over price. Your presence is much more valuable than the 1000s of dollars, all inclusive. And don't get me wrong, those are great things. If your family can afford that. That is amazing to have those experiences. But for the families that are struggling, and even to parent families that are struggling, because our economy is in not the best place, I think it's important to note that that presence in your child's life and being active in there to spend time with them is much greater than any big, fancy price tag on something absolutely,

Stacie Martin: 13:49

you know, I can't, I can't imagine, you know, our backyard without the slip and slide. My son was crazy.

Rhiannon Graham: 13:58

Trampoline houses, I'm telling you, growing up, my house was the hot place to be. I'm just telling you guys, but Scott, I'm sure you can relate to this of being a present dad and a present grandfather, that that time with them is much more valuable than any gift you can give. Well,

Scott Murray: 14:15

I'm, you know, unlike probably a lot of dads, and I don't mean to take away anything from from dad certainly, because there are a lot of great ones out there. But when I was seven years old, my best friend died of leukemia, and we had just gone trick or treating on the 31st of October, and four days later, I found out, leukemia. What is that? How do you say that word? And so consequently, as a result of that, my parents decided to send us, because little Frankie and I, when we got back from trick or treating, I think I've told you this story. We my parents had two Maxwell House coffee cans with the word UNICEF written on them. He said, Now, boys, we're going to go out and you're going to help, you know, help some children around the world that need a helping hand, don't have food, don't have a place to live, a place to sleep, and. And so we went trick or treating for UNICEF. Well, after Frankie passed away, later that year, in our second grade class, my parents had me, and we gathered all my friends. And by the end of the end of the school year, the whole or the end of the when I was in, you know, in elementary school, the whole school, we were all going together, all the students collecting for UNICEF, and we did that till I graduated from high school. So it was a great, great way to learn it, and that was because of my parents. And then then I'm trying to think where I was going with this. When we start talking about, I was talking about,

Stacie Martin: 15:35

Oh, you were talking about being present. And then, oh, yeah, being

Scott Murray: 15:39

present. Well, that from that, what happened there, I wanted to become a pediatrician, so I went to college to become a pediatrician. So I've always been interested and got involved in radio and TV when I was in college, and that's how I didn't go on to medical school. But I just really enjoy working with children and anything to do with children, and so to have my own two children, a son and daughter was a was a thrill of a lifetime. But also now to have a grandson, and I put it on Facebook of me tickling, tickling him, and he's just cackling, just, oh, it's just adorable, but he's just so special. And just so it just, you know, there's, there's nothing better. He's just, now, I'm

Rhiannon Graham: 16:22

gonna get you emotional, yeah?

Scott Murray: 16:24

Well, I tell you, Hey man, he, oh yeah, well, I, he's just, he's phenomenal. And I, and I think to myself, you know, what's he gonna do when he's in, you know, two years old, and then when he's three years old, and then when he's, you know, gets into school. So, and I've, I've already bought them. Being a sports nut like I am, I've already bought them a football, a baseball, a basketball, a soccer ball, a volleyball, and they're all done in red, white and blue. Oh, they're all very except the baseballs and the baseballs, but the other ones are all all different colors and and so I've given him those so he loves to kick the soccer ball, and I throw him the football, and, like I said, he's only a year and a half old, so he can't catch it, but he likes to kick the soccer ball and things like that. So we those

Rhiannon Graham: 17:11

are inexpensive things that you have bought to create memories that will last forever with, right? That is so valuable that one day, I mean, maybe he grows up to be a pro football player like, who knows? And he's like, my grandpa bought me my first football you never know what Christmas what the value of a small gift like that can be. No, you're

Scott Murray: 17:32

absolutely right. You're absolutely right. It's funny how things happen, but you're spot on. You're spot on. And

Rhiannon Graham: 17:39

if he goes Pro, I'll be calling you for tickets to support.

Stacie Martin: 17:43

There we go. I'll be with her.

Scott Murray: 17:46

Miss America called she's from Illinois.

Stacie Martin: 17:52

Partnership, not all single parents have many problems. You know, if you think about it, a lot of single parents, especially if they're not the custodial parent, have connection problems, and if the kids are coming for spring break, yeah, and it's a connection thing, I just, you know, what are some icebreakers? I know a lot of times we really kind of just need to lower the veil and say, Oh my gosh. You know, guys, I want to have a good time together. I want to, I want to be together. I want to do something together. And I really and y'all tell me what you think. I think quality time should win over going expensive places in those cases too. Now sometimes

Scott Murray: 18:43

it's I'll interrupt you and say, giving of yourself, giving of yourself the you right here me, how many seconds, minutes, hours in a day do I spend giving specifically to that child, to that young adult that or to miss Chicago. I mean, her mother, her mother probably still to this day, is is impactful in your life, is she not?

Rhiannon Graham: 19:07

Oh, she is the most impactful person. That's my point my life. And I think she'll always hold that spot. I mean, she's just done so many, like I said, sacrifices to make me who I am today, and the building of a miss Chicago, for sure. Yeah.

Scott Murray: 19:20

And you've learned how to be a mother as a result of that. So someday, when you are married and then have a family of your own, you'll probably do many of the same things that that she has done for you all these years

Rhiannon Graham: 19:30

because of that positive example. That exactly right, because she chose me every day, exactly

Scott Murray: 19:35

right. Yeah. And that's it, yes, the hours that you spent, the minutes, yes,

Rhiannon Graham: 19:39

not the money the time, Yep, yeah. And I do want to say this too, because this is on my heart. Like you said that there is a lot of single families that have good jobs that maybe are listening, that are thinking, I have to have this job to put food on the table. I have to have this job to have them involved in activities. Always, just make that time. Maybe it's one. A week where you're like every night on Tuesdays, we do a movie night. My child picks the movie and that is our quality time. It does not have to be every single day if you are having to make the sole provider income for your family and your children, but make sure you're sitting around that time, even if it's couple hours a week, just to have that quality time. That's so important.

Stacie Martin: 20:18

And then as you kids grow older, you know what that kind of switches, right? It becomes the single parent child, or children opportunity to say, hey, you know, I want to be with you too, you know, mom or dad or grandma or traditions, yeah. And so it kind of becomes something very organic, that even as the dynamic switches, Spring Break becomes a special thing, and really doesn't just apply to spring break. It might apply to Christmas or Thanksgiving or Easter or whatever holiday or season it is, but I just, I'm really glad we're revisiting this. I know we kind of talked about it a lot at Christmas about quality time, but I really don't want people carrying that burden of, oh, I'm either feeling awkward or Oh, I just don't have the wherewithal to take somebody or my children to somewhere fancy, you know, just go see your grandparents, just be together, play

Rhiannon Graham: 21:18

in the backyard. The nice weather, great weathering in Texas right now, but Illinois, it's been 60s. It's been beautiful here, so take advantage of your surroundings. Yeah, in

Scott Murray: 21:29

March 60 in Illinois, that's crazy. It's 80. I know.

Rhiannon Graham: 21:34

Say fingers crossed for Saturday that we keep good weather for events.

Scott Murray: 21:37

All right. Well, we've come to that time of the program that it's closing thought time. What would you like to share with us? You

Stacie Martin: 21:43

guys give yourself a break when you take a break no matter what it looks like, and just be together and take the pressure off yourself, and you'll all have a better time no matter what it looks like for you. Yeah,

Rhiannon Graham: 21:56

and I want to end with our children do not have to become a product of our environment. If you are struggling, think if you are struggling, single parent, excuse me. Make sure you're taking that time to be an active parent and engaging in time with your children, because that's what they'll remember. As I expressed, I remember the most is the time I spent. I

Scott Murray: 22:16

don't want to sound like I'm promoting anything, but I'm writing my third book, and one of the things that I'm writing is is I've got a couple of things there that I talk about what I do with my leadership America. Keynote leadership America, creating Champions of Change through a culture of civility, because we've lost the ability to be kind, courteous and respectful to one another. So this is my leadership America creed. And as I hear you talk about what you're going to do and what you can give to me and give to each other, your children, and what have you? Made me think that I might close with the Creed, because it kind of talks about that. Hey, everybody, get ready. Oh, it's a little something I've created. You tell me, if you like this, look at her. She's going, oh my gosh, what's going on. Okay, Rihanna, let's living life is not just about me. A purposeful life is all about we collectively sharing together all that we see, even though we might not always agree, respectful and kind is forever key. Truthful and transparent is what we should be. Eradicating the anger and the hateful debris live, not in a world where we need referees. So let us move forward in a place we foresee diverse and inclusive for both he and she. Matters, not religion nor race. Faith is for thee. We must live in a world that's our home of the free.

Rhiannon Graham: 23:36

Oh, love it. Awesome. I think that was very relevant and great to end off, yeah,

Stacie Martin: 23:41

free to be me, yep.

Scott Murray: 23:44

Yep. That's what it's all about. So until next time down here in the great state of Texas, yep, in the great state of Texas, Dallas, to be exact, Stacie and I saying to you all the best. We're pulling for you in June, but in the meantime, we're most proud of you the fact that you continued to be who you are, and what you do is Miss Chicago and say hello to your mother and tell her to go looking. Tell her to go look in the mirror. Recording, yeah, tell her to go look in the mirror.

Stacie Martin: 24:11

30 minutes. Okay. Oh, I tell you what I I really one of my biggest wishes as we say goodbye is that when we have our golf tournament on June the 10th, raising money for single parent kids to get school supplies and scholarships that you miss, Rhiannon Graham will be able to join us. Miss Chicago, yeah, oh, I'd love to be there.

Scott Murray: 24:33

Love to have you there. Love to have you there. All right, so with all that said and done, until next time for Rhiannon and Stacie, I'm Scott, remember the name of the program because they matter make a difference in the lives of those that need them most. And we're talking about single parent families So long everybody you.